I Think I'm in Love With Fortnite's New Cat

By Riley MacLeod on at

Fortnite’s Season 2 battle pass is full of colourful new characters, including one you can customise in thousands of unique ways. I don’t care about any of them. I only care about this ripped cat.

This is Meowscles, the level 60 battle pass reward. He’s one of the new skins that has a built-in bonus feature. In this case, he can flex his pecs. His cat pecs.

Now, I’m not a furry, but I’m concerned about my feelings for this cat. He looks like someone slapped that colon-three uwu emoticon over the stylised gay art of Tom of Finland. His head’s a little small for his body – I don’t know if I’m that into his face, though he looks friendly, which I’ve found is rare for human guys with bodies like this in real life. But look at those shoulders. Look at those abs. I’m sorry – I’m sorry – but look at his bum.

Meowscles wears nothing but jeans, boots, and a harness I’ve envied on guys at leather clubs. He’s definitely going to look at you from across the room, and you’re going to look behind you because he couldn’t be looking at you, right, guys like that don’t look at guys like you, but he totally is. You’re going to chat awkwardly about your lives and stuff for a while, and Meowscles is going to be sort of self-deprecatingly charming about how he can’t tell you much about his job because he works for a spy agency, which is a cool job. You’re definitely going to make out in the stairwell, and then he’s going to suggest going back to his place, which of course isn’t that far from here. And he’s going to have a great flat because he’s loaded because he works for a spy agency. After that night you’ll probably never call each other again because he’s busy with his job, but that’s OK, you’re busy too. One day you’ll see him out at that hip brunch spot, and he’ll say “hey” and you’ll say “hey,” and you’ll both smile and go back to your tables. And your friends will say “Oh my god, do you know that guy?” and you’ll be like, “Oh, yeah,” but be coy about it, because you don’t want to brag, but you’ll totally be bragging. And even though you won’t date or fall in love or anything, you’ll always remember Meowscles fondly. The encounter will rank in your top 5, though it won’t be number one, because that’s giving too much power to a one-night stand and you’re better than that.

Anyway, he’s better than Peely.