Salazzle Will Spank Those Who Disobey Her

By Zack Zwiezen on at

Every Pokémon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a load of Pokémon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokémon! It’s Salazzle!

Salazzle Details

Type: Poison/Fire

Average Height: 1.19 metres

Average Weight: 22.2 kilograms

First Added In Generation VII


Some Pokémon look they were designed by someone who really likes bears or cats. Other Pokémon look like they were inspired by everyday objects or tools. Then some Pokémon look like the artist was really horny for dragons the day they were created and that is how we (probably) ended up with Salazzle. And just to be clear, if you are attracted to Salazzle I don’t think you’re weird or gross. I’m not here to kink shame. BUT I do have questions. I don’t think we will get into those questions today. One day, though. One day.

Salazzle is a tall and thin dragon Pokémon. All Salazzle are female, or at least no male Salazzles have been found. These sexy dragons use pheromones to control male Salandits, who are the pre-evolved form of Salazzle. According to Bulbapedia, Salazzle creates reverse harems of male Salandits. These males then fetch Salazzle food and anything else she needs.

If the Salandits fail or are unable to fully complete what the Salazzle ordered them to do, they are punished. According to the Pokédex entries, Salazzle will “punishes Salandit that couldn’t bring it food with a fierce slap of its flame-spewing palm”. Now, I can’t help but look at Salazzle, a Pokémon that seems built for Rule 34, and think that this slap is a bit sexual. So in my mind the I replace the word “slap” with “spank”.

The pheromones it uses to control Salandits are found in gas that is released by Salazzle. This gas, however, is poisonous and dangerous. Though some people in the world of Pokémon have decided to dilute the gas and create perfumes out of it. I can also assume that these perfumes are very expensive and probably have names like “Dragon Fire” or “Flaming Love”.

Favourite Fan Art

Illustration: Audieleigh (DeviantArt)

Trying to find some fan art of Salazzle that ISN’T extremely sexual or filled with nudity is very hard. This is one of the few I found and honestly, it might also be sexual or horny in a way I don’t understand.

Random Facts

  • Salazzle and Salandit are the only Pokémon in the franchise to have the type combination of fire and poison.
  • Female Salandits can actually control humans and other male Pokémon. It seems Salazzle loses this ability after evolving.
  • Here’s a fact: don’t Google this Pokémon or search for it on Deviant Art unless you want to see a lot of naked dragons fucking other dragons.

Best Comment From Last Week

“I bet you anything there’s a trend among teens in the Pokémon world called the “Polteageist Challenge” where they drink as much of it as they can while livestreaming.”

-coolchazine

Hey guys! (Jumpcut) Welcome back. Little housekeeping really quickly before we start the video. (Jumpcut) Remember all of our shirts are on sale this week, so hit that link below to pick one up! OKAY! Let’s GO! (Jumpcut) Today we are drinking some POLTEAGEIST! That’s right guys, we are doing the Polteageist challenge!