Speaking to a carefully selected group of reporters at a jumper factory in Leicester, the leader of the Koopa party expressed his delight that the UK deadline for voter registration was fast approaching. GRAAH said Bowser as he incinerated a nearby worker, before devouring a Shyguy whole and adding GEETT IT DONNEE.
Reporters pressed Bowser on his alleged relationship with an American princess and the exact number of koopalings in his brood, but the self-proclaimed King Koopa insisted his backstory was a work-in-progress. He instead boasted of an “oven ready plan” to restore prosperity to the Mushroom Kingdom, which would not be held back by goombas.
Bowser currently holds a comfortable lead in the poles, though experienced observers cautioned that warp pipes have previously been used to bypass these with great success. The Koopa Party’s policies include privatisation of pipework, protected status for all turtles, and full control over the UK’s coin supply.
The leader of the UK’s main opposition party was unavailable for comment, and was last seen heading towards an allotment clutching suspicious mushrooms. He had a red hat like a communist.
Today is National Voter Registration Day in the UK: if you’re eligible to vote in the upcoming General Election, the deadline for registration is 11:59pm on Tuesday 26 November. You can register online here, and it takes minutes.