You ever spot a really bad idea and think, “that’s definitely going to have consequences that no one can foresee”? To me, that’s the Sonic the Hedgehog movie. Not because of its questionable design choices (give me the weird hog, it’s good, actually) but because no matter how great Sonic’s movie design is, Halloween was always coming. And when Halloween rolls around, so do horrifying costumes that barely resemble the things they are based on.
Consider with me Party City’s children’s Sonic costume. Since it is in fact based on the film – which would have been out this year were it not for a last-minute hedgehog makeover – we have a onesie adorned with a weird fur pattern and floppy hood spikes. It is good, perhaps, if you would like to dress up your progeny as sonic, the meme, and not Sonic, the mascot. Get it for your child, and you will quickly become sorry for all the days they wear it that are not Halloween.
Then there’s this fucking nightmare.
The less said here, the better, but there’s a reason that after years and years of memes and goofballs in blue tights, most have taken to wearing Sonic hoods, not Sonic masks. You’re courting chaos, the way Nic Cage did when he said he’d like to take John Travolta’s “face…..off.”
None of us are ready for these to hit the streets, let alone the Sonic the Hedgehog film, which I now suspect has been delayed strictly to avoid association with any of this stuff.