Bewear Will Crush You To Death With Its Hugs

By Zack Zwiezen on at

Every Pokémon is interesting and worth talking about. I don’t play a ton of Pokémon, but I do enjoy the universe and I love learning more about the creatures in it. So, Here’s Another Pokémon! It’s Bewear!

Bewear Details

Type: Normal/Fighting

Average Height: 210 centimetres

Average Weight: 135 kilograms

First Added In Generation VII

Bears in real life are dangerous and can easily kill you. It seems in the Pokémon world this is true too. But unlike our bears, which will just bite and eat you, Bewear will actually hug you so hard you might die. This is one of the reasons Bewear is, according to Pokédex entries, one of the most dangerous Pokémon  in the Aloha region.

I get it. Something that cute offering people hugs is bound to be dangerous. Do you know how many people I know in my life who would gladly run up to a big Pokémon offering a hug? And they would all be making huge mistakes. Using its massive paws and arms, Bewear will squeeze a human being’s spine and possibly kill that person in the process. According to a Pokedex entry “Life is over for anyone who doesn’t run away as fast as possible”.

The really dodgy thing though is that Bewear does try to warn people to leave it and its massive arms alone. The problem? It waves at people as a warning signal. That’s just a bad way to warn people to stay away. In fact, it seems so bad that I have a theory that Bewear isn’t warning people away with its waves, but is instead luring them to their death. But the Alola tourism board wanted to make it seem more friendly and not so sadistic, so the cover story was invented that those waves were warnings.

“No, no, it isn’t using cute and welcoming waves to lure in children and young people to die. That’s how it warns you to stay away.” Yeah. Right.

Favourite Fan Art

Illustration: CloudyZu (DeviantArt)

This Bewear has decided to forego waving its arms and instead has donned a shirt to lure in victims. A wonderful picture of a dangerous creature by CloudyZu!

Random Facts

Trainers who have a Bewear must teach it to restrain itself or it could wind up hurting someone. Which would probably lead to a lawsuit for the trainer.
In Smash Bros, Bewear will attack players using an uppercut, like a fluffy Mortal Kombat fighter.
A Bewear in the anime took a liking to the evil Team Rocket and would actually let them live in her den. She would even carry them away from danger or defeat.

Best Comment From Last Week

Wait so could you fuck Zoroark?


I’m going to say no. I’m going to always say no to this question, regardless of the Pokémon you or anyone else is asking about. Please don’t fuck Pokémon. Thank you.