The Sonic The Hedgehog movie is a blight upon this weary earth.
I do my best to stay positive. On some days, it works. On other days, the horrific trailer for Sonic The Hedgehog comes out. Lord, please help me.
There’s a lot going on. Jim Carrey is devouring the scenery, having what looks like a really good time. Ben Schwartz’s voice is coming out of Sonic’s mouth, which is disorienting. Cyclops is there, and he’s a cop now, and as an X-Men fan, that scans. The trailer contains so many other perception-shaking things in addition to these. Something that’s hit a lot of people really hard is Sonic’s human teeth.
Good morning to absolutely everyone and everything other than live action Sonic the Hedgehog’s creepy human teeth xx pic.twitter.com/yJX6WPW7Li
— Alanah Pearce (@Charalanahzard) April 30, 2019
i'm a good friend pic.twitter.com/EwEntaellC
— Preeti Chhibber (@runwithskizzers) April 30, 2019
[Sonic the Hedgehog movie pitch meeting]
Jim Carrey: [chanting] teeth, teeth -
Director: teeth, TEETH
Paramount execs [pounding the table]: TEETH, TEETH, TEETH! https://t.co/eDzzAmSjDC
— Gavia Baker-Whitelaw (@Hello_Tailor) April 30, 2019
Sonic intern: you know what will make this existential nightmare of a CGI hedgehog even better? Gangsters Paradise.
Movie exec: wonderful. They won’t sleep for months. Do it.
— Mica Burton (@MicaBurton) April 30, 2019
imagine those sonic lips giving sloppy god damn
— apandah stan acc (@_apandah_) April 30, 2019
Current reaction to Sonic movie trailer. pic.twitter.com/wxVi5P9iWH
— Daniel Ahmad (@ZhugeEX) April 30, 2019
I can be your angle….or yuor devil pic.twitter.com/Yj7GcykHyt
— ??️?⚡Pikalulu⚡?️???? (@luulubuu) April 30, 2019
Sonic the Hedgehog (2019) pic.twitter.com/nRtJDlQ39D
— James Felton (@JimMFelton) April 30, 2019
man has not fallen. he was never noble to begin with. if we had not committed great sins, god would not have sent punishment like this upon us. it is what we deserve. it is what we are owed. this disgusting sonic the hedgehog
— leon (@leyawn) April 30, 2019
Wow, the SONIC THE HEDGEHOG trailer looks terrible.
[flash forward six months when I rent SONIC THE HEDGEHOG and it keeps the kids occupied for 90 minutes]
SONIC THE HEDGEHOG is better than THE GODFATHER.
— Steven Hyden (@Steven_Hyden) April 30, 2019
my ?? sonic ?? is ?? black ?? and ?? he ?? loves ?? ska ??
— austin walker (@austin_walker) April 30, 2019
Adrian Veidt, flicking through his many tv channels, stitching together weird sociocultural connotations from a heady brew of spoiler rage, too-dark TVs and an uncanny fucking hedgehog, while the world burns in the background.
— Simon "Si" Spurrier (@sispurrier) April 30, 2019
Things they could have done to instantly build goodwill for live action sonic the hedgehog:
- play any of the songs from the Sonic Adventure 1 or 2 soundtrack
- Marvel-esque tease of a Knuckles appearance
- design sonic to look good
— Jenny Nicholson (@JennyENicholson) April 30, 2019
Canon: Someone wanted to make a Robotnik film but had to put Sonic in there to get it approved. pic.twitter.com/flHXhapKu3
— Alex Olney (@Alex_Olney) April 30, 2019
While people on Tumblr are no less perplexed by the movie, they’re also kind of into Jim Carrey as Doctor Robotnik. Once again, I salute the people of Tumblr for being as horny as possible at all times.
I for one welcome death. Let me be lowered into Sonic’s hungry, gaping maw. He’s got teeth now. For gnashing.
Featured image: Screenshot: Sonic The Hedgehog (Paramount Pictures)