Red Dead Redemption 2 is one of my absolute favourite games of this decade. If ever an achievement could stagger, this game represents that achievement. I made a 40-minute video highlighting every tiny thing wrong with it.
Maybe it’s in your best interest to hate this game. Maybe you’re expecting it as a Christmas present, and you want to cool your hype. Or maybe you just hate cowboys because they’re always dusty, and you can’t stand to look at all that dust. Whatever the reason for your loathing, I have, as they say, “got” you with this video.
Many of the bullet points I present you in this review are jokes. Many of them are not jokes. Many of the jokes contain sincerity. Much of the sincerity contains humorous turns of phrase. I can’t tell you which is which and what is where. You have to feel it for yourself. Such is the nature of a hater’s review.
Here’s a taste: Red Dead Redemption 2's horses’ virtual scrotums shrink in cold weather and expand in hot weather. That’s realistic. You can hunt, kill, and skin something like 500 different species of animal. This also is realistic. Why can’t you skin horses, though? Why can’t Arthur Morgan eat horse meat? You’re telling me this is a game about desperate, lawman-pursued outlaw cowboys who regularly decapitate their oppressors with shotguns, yet they’re too squeamish to eat a horse? I don’t buy it.
If you should dare to click, expect to learn lessons about shaving tool history, turn-of-the-century glass blowing, Manifest Destiny, and American Exceptionalism.