Zelda's Labyrinths Are Some Bullshit

By Mark Serrels on at

Over the weekend I downloaded Breath of the Wild’s first batch of DLC. There were new quests, new gear and a whole new mode. Great. But I didn’t care. I wanted one thing and one thing only.

Proof that Zelda’s labyrinths were bullshit.

Thankfully I got that proof.

Breath of the Wild has an insanely detailed map. One of the best I’ve ever seen. Zoomed out, it’s a beautiful thing to just look at. Zoomed in, it’s full of incredible details.

To the point where I actually used the map to help me solve the game’s labyrinths. Which are bullshit. We’ve established this.

I did this by zooming in on the map to the point where you could actually see a top down version of the labyrinth. Like so...

Very cool.

I knew this was possible so, as soon as the new DLC was announced, I was interested in the new feature that tracked every single step you ever made in the game. I needed this — mainly to help find the last 10 shrines, but also... other reasons.

My main goal: find out just how much time I spent trying to complete the game’s Labyrinths.

The answer to that question was depressing.

Note: Yes, I know that you can cheese these by climbing and/or flying. No thanks, I wanted to try and solve these the old-fashioned way.

Here’s my travel map of the first Labyrinth I tried. Before I’d worked out the cheap ‘zoom in to see the topography’ trick.

Oh no.

The next one wasn’t much better. In fact, it looks even worse.

Here’s my progress on the third one.

Worth bearing in mind that I actually was consulting the map here. Shows you how bad I am at Labyrinths.

Or — counterpoint — how bullshit these goddamn labyrinths are.