We Rate Dogs' Mobile Game Is H*ckin' Bad

By Luke Plunkett on at

It’s a bad game, Brent.

We Rate Dogs, the most wholesome and best thing on Twitter, is an account that rates pictures of dogs. And because all dogs are good dogs, every dog gets a good rating. Shame the same can’t be said about the account’s mobile adventure.

Good Dogs! is an official mobile game based on We Rate Dogs, which shares its profile pic and is full of its trademark language like doggos and puppers and h*ckin.

Given the nature of We Rate Dogs, you’d expect—and even hope—for an app/game that just gives you an endless supply of dogs to rate, with every dog getting between 12/10 and 14/10, because they are all good dogs. Like Tinder, but with petting instead of heavy petting.

Instead, as you can see in the vid up there by App Unwrapper, Good Dogs! is a variation on Crossy Road, with the twist being that instead of being stuck on an ever-forwards rail that only lets you sidestep, you’re somewhat free to move left and right through a level based on where you drag your finger. The goal is to run around being a doggo, jumping through the grass and having fun, without smacking into any number of obstacles.

At the end of every run, you’re rated according to how far/long you went. As you can see, the curve is stricter here than on the Twitter account.

Because it’s lacking in Crossy Road’s urgency, it’s pretty boring, and not helping matters is the way it’s overloaded with microtransaction/ad nonsense in a way that feels more intrusive than Crossy Road’s implementation. The relationship between the controls and camera are also super twitchy as you move left-to-right, resulting in a load of frustrating “deaths”.

The design of the game seems torn; perhaps because of the property slapped over the top of it, there are hints that it’s supposed to just be some relaxing kind of dog running simulator. But then, your dog never stops running and can “die” (he actually sits when he hits an obstacle, like a good boy), so you never really get the chance to chill and enjoy the scenery either.

The patch notes, however, are 14/10

Anyway, it feels bad writing bad things about good dogs, so here are some good dogs.

That’s better. Good Dogs! is available on both iOS and Android.